HOUSE OF FARTS!The Roster
Eight costumes, eight signature weapons, six rooms
Who is in the room
Eight parody costumes ship in the current build, and a room seats anywhere from two to eight of them. Each one is built to the rule written down on the about page: politicians, not politics. Everything below already ships. These are the same taunts, knockout lines, death lines and weapons you hear and see in a live round, written down in one place instead of scattered across a four-minute match.
The eight
The gun ladder is shared: everyone starts on the Filiblaster 3000 and climbs the same ten guns. What is not shared is the melee swing on V, which you can throw no matter which gun you are holding. A gun knockout prints FOAMED in the kill feed. A melee knockout swaps in that costume's own verb instead, so the line reads "YOU TEED OFF ON JEB BISON! +100". The swing is the tell.
Truval Drums: The Tower Tycoon
Swings a gold-plated 9-iron, verb "TEED OFF ON." Between shots he insists "TREMENDOUS FOAM. EVERYONE SAYS SO," and a clean knockout gets "THAT WAS TREMENDOUS, FOLKS." Go down instead and it's "I'LL BE BACK. BIGGER."
Jeb Bison: The Aviator
Swings a giant ice cream cone, verb "SCOOPED." His taunt of choice is "NO MALARKEY. ONLY FOAM," a knockout gets the trademark "C'MON, MAN!", and a loss earns the deadpan "THAT'S... A BIG DEAL. OUCH."
Bimble Jinks: The Mop
Swings a wiff-waff paddle, verb "PADDLED" (lifted straight out of his own taunt). He opens with "AN INVERTED PYRAMID OF PIFFLE!", closes a round with the Latin flex "VENI, VIDI, PBFHT," and takes a loss with "CRIPES. BALDERDASH."
Manny Crumb: The Slick
Swings a rolled-up ledger, verb "AUDITED." His taunt "I DODGE... AND AT THE SAME TIME, I FOAM" is the closest thing the roster has to a catchphrase, a knockout gets the flat "BOTH AT ONCE. NATURALLY," and a loss is filed as "A PROVISIONAL SETBACK."
Angie Mirmel: The Foam Chancellor
Swings a foaming lab flask, verb "PEER-REVIEWED." She leads with "I HAVE A DOCTORATE IN THIS," stamps a knockout "PEER REVIEWED," and takes a loss with a single word: "RECALCULATING..."
Sancho Pedras: The Marathon Man
Swings a size-12 running shoe, verb "OUTPACED." His taunt is "I OUT-RUN EVERYONE," a knockout gets "OUT-RUN AND OUT-FOAMED," and going down is just "JUST A LONG WATER BREAK."
Vladdie Pudding: The Judo Foamer
Swings a black-belt teddy bear, verb "BEAR-HUGGED". Both halves come straight out of his own taunts. He taunts with "I RIDE BEAR. I THROW FOAM," ends a round with the flat "PUDDING WINS," and shrugs off a loss as "MERE SETBACK."
Georgia Mellon: Freshly Squeezed
Swings a rolling pin, verb "FLATTENED." Her whole bit is produce: the taunt is "MELON SEASON," the knockout line is the character's own name, "FRESHLY SQUEEZED," and a loss gets "SEEDS EVERYWHERE..."
The rooms
Six arenas, each with its own footprint, furniture and shootable set-dressing. You do not pick the room. The server rotates through all six, and the one you drew comes up on the countdown screen just before you spawn.
The Egg Office: Home Game
An oval office knockoff: a blue rug over a gold state seal, a desk, two facing couches, a coffee table posing as a small desk, and a bookshelf at either end of the back wall. Three tall windows glow warm along one curved stretch of wall, and four columns stand out toward the ends. The shootable set includes a SHINY TROPHY, a GOLDEN MALLARD, a CEILING FANCY chandelier and a row of FANCY PLATEs on the far wall.
The Crimson Chamber: Away Game
The away leg to the Egg Office's home turf: dark wood floors, blood-red walls, a gold-edged red carpet down the middle and a working fireplace at one end. A single long conference table sits on the carpet at the centre with two armchairs off to one side, bookshelves at the far corners and one column at each of two opposite corners. That is not much cover for a room this size, which is why it rewards the guns that spray over the guns that aim. Breakables run to a CHANDELIER, two FANCY VASEs, a CANDELABRA, a SHINY TROPHY, a GOLDEN MALLARD and a pair of FANCY PLATEs mounted along one side wall.
The Foam Chamber: House Rules
The only room that runs deeper than it is wide: green tiered benches face off across a gold-trimmed centre aisle, with a Table of the House and two despatch boxes down the middle and a Speaker's Dais closing off one end. The benches are solid cover the full length of the room, so fights move in lanes from one end to the other rather than across. The shootables lean ceremonial. Under portraits of former speakers you get a CEREMONIAL MACE, a CHAMBER CHANDELIER, a LUCKY MASCOT, a CUT-GLASS CARAFE and a DESPATCH LAMP.
The Winter Dacha: Cold Snap
The longest room in the building: a two-halved banquet table runs almost the full length of a dark timber hall, split by a centre support pillar that breaks the sightline straight down it. A lit fireplace and a bear rug sit at the west end, with a wine-red armchair at either end of the table and cold daylight coming in through four windows along one long wall. An IRON CHANDELIER hangs over each half of the table, two TABLE CANDELABRA sit on it, and a DECOY DUCK and an ICE VASE perch on shelves at the far corners.
The Situation Room: Code Red
The smallest footprint and the lowest ceiling of the six: a map table ringed by six steel chairs sits under a bank of green wall monitors, with two blast-barrier blocks breaking the lateral sightlines and a support column against each side wall. Shootables on the table are a FIELD RADIO, a DESK LAMP and a STEEL THERMOS.
The Summit Terrace: Garden Party
The one open-air room, and the tallest: a low gold-trimmed balustrade instead of walls, a central planter with a lemon tree as the only real cover in the middle, four more lemon trees around the perimeter, and two pairs of sun loungers out by the pool. A buffet table anchors one end and carries most of the breakables: a SUMMIT CUP trophy, a CITRUS URN, two SUN PLATEs and a PATIO LAMP. One more, a POOL DUCK, sits out at water level.